There was a time when I didn’t believe in the idea of “pride” or, more appropriately, I didn’t really care to identify with it. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t ashamed, I just never felt I had to. I wore what I wanted, went where I wanted and did whatever (with whomever) I wanted. There was no rush to be around like-minded folk because I never felt different. But at the same time, I wore rainbow-coloured dog tags around my neck (as was the style among us tweens) to show some sort of solidarity with a community I hadn’t even bothered to take an interest in. I was a confused contradiction. It wasn’t until years later when an ex-boyfriend decided to tell his family that he was gay that I realized I had been making more of a fashion statement than a political one, and I began to understand and construct the importance of pride – or rather, having pride. I didn’t need to officially “come out,” so I was never faced with threats of being disowned or worries of falling out with friends. With no one to turn to, it was other gay friends (and a whole community, really) that supported the newly liberated like him and the utterly clueless like me.
And although the ex is long gone, the idea of pride and its significance to my life not only as person, but also as a homosexual, has always lingered. Would I be any less proud if I weren’t gay?
In the end, I was finally able to realize that pride isn’t about sexuality at all. Once you take away the labels, the clothes, the boyfriend – even the parade – all you’re left with is what you know you can count on, regardless of sexuality, geography, creed or colour: pride in yourself. It might not be measured in weeks, floats or dog tags for all gays, but we’ve all got pride in common (even the most self-described ‘straight-acting’ fag can’t deny!) when we can be who we are because we will it so, despite your MO.
On that note, I’d like to give a big shout out to all those who came before me these past 30 years. Your decades of true solidarity have let boys like me grow up to form and subscribe to alternative definitions of pride. And if it just so happens that you’re also gay, well then that’s fabulous too.